WARNING: Potty mouth in full effect in this blog.

Mr. Murphy... I'd like to have a word with you. 

Actually, I'd really like to kick your ass. 

You've heard of Murphy's law right?  Whatever can go wrong WILL go wrong?  Well I'd really like to kick the living crap out of Mr. Murphy.

It would make me feel better.

Because everything that COULD go wrong, is currently going wrong.

Example #1:
Chris leaves in late April.  In late June, we have a crazy huge hailstorm.  And I for sure have damage to my car... now I'm just waiting to hear if I have any damage to the house.  On the upside, if there is hail damage... I get new siding and a new roof at the bargain price of $2,700.  On the downside, it still costs $2700.  Thank goodness for tucking something away for a rainy day (or a hailstorm).

Example #2:
I'm 99% certain that my camera was stolen out of my car.  Cami cleaned the whole house looking for it and no luck.  This is probably the thing that ticked me off more than ANYTHING else.  But whatever. 

I bought groceries after work, I didn't have enough hands to grab my computer and camera so I left them in the car... the next day, laptop still there, camera GONE!  Along with all the change in my car.  Goddamned little brat teenagers that are probably running around stealing friggin expensive cameras out of strangers cars that are PARKED IN THEIR DRIVEWAYS.  I'm sure you're wondering why they skipped the laptop... I'm guessing those are a little more traceable than cameras.  And my company has a heavy encryption on it.

THANK YOU CITY OF NORTH MANKATO FOR NOT REPLACING THE STREET LIGHT!

Yes I plan on blaming everyone but me for this one and as this is my blog, I get to!  So there!

Example #3:
Verizon sucks.

OK so the camera thing pissed me off, this next example ACTUALLY caused steam to erupt from my ears. 

I got an email from Verizon telling me that we are being FORCED to switch our service to AT&T.  In case you're as stunned as I was when I read that, you don't need to re-read it like 20 times, it DOES say that I will soon be a customer of AT&T wireless.

If you're wondering how that works, we have our government to thank. 

No, I'm not one of those conspiracy theory freaks that runs around in a tin-foil helmet with a box of old fingernails in the closet (according to TV dramas, these people seriously exist).

It REALLY IS the government's fault.  Verizon bought Alltel.  The government reviewed the market to ensure that Verizon wasn't building a monopoly.  They determined that if the merger went through, Verizon would indeed have a monopoly in certain markets.  Apparently North Mankato was one of them?

So Verizon has to sell so many of their cell #s to AT&T in order to avoid a monopoly.

Somehow, the Ericsons were one of the lucky ones to be selected for this honor.

I know NO ONE else going through this.  So maybe the odds were similar to that of winning the lottery?   Friggin figures we'd get chosen for this. 

Did I mention I bought a DROID at FULL PRICE less than a month ago?  Why would anyone buy a phone at full price, because my blackberry was getting crappy service and Chris wanted to wait until he got back to sign up for a 2 year commitment for the free phones.  (2 free phones versus one or something like that)  A

OH and my DROID won't be useable on AT&T's service.  Because it's a Verizon specific phone.  THAT made my F'ing day.  Let's just say Verizon is going to be getting a call asking for a refund! 

The last fun fact here is that MY WHOLE FAMILY IS ON VERIZON!!  In part because I convinced a few of them to switch to Verizon!!!!  FOR THE FREE FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!!

As you can tell, this has me a little hot in the collar.

Example #4:
Caleb is getting his 2nd year molars.  He's only 18 months old.  Very funny God!

OK, I know this blog makes me sound like I'm having the worst summer ever.  There have obviously been some high points (as evidenced by my usual posts) so my life doesn't totally suck.

But there are days when I ask God, "are you trying to teach me patience here or what?  Cause I got it!  Please don't send the plague of locusts next!"

But just in case, I think I'm gonna go get a bug zapper... I wanna be prepared for those locusts.

So I mentioned earlier on Caleb's blog that we reorganized his closet this past weekend.

That was Weekend Project #1

Weekend Project #2 consisted of me finishing the landscaping in the front of our house!!!

I laid the edgers, put down weed barrier and the mulch. 

Confession #1:  It took me longer than this weekend to complete this project... so it's not really a weekend project.  I got all the edgers laid, but as I didn't want to overspend on weed barrier... I ran out.  And then I got more on Monday... and ran out again.  So I didn't really get the whole project DONE until last night. 

Are you seeing a pattern with me?  I apparently like to make LOTS of trips to home improvement stores.

Confession #2:  I didn't do this all by myself.  Nooooo... Caleb helped.  And I wish I had pictures of him raking the mulch onto the grass and running with scissors...

Wait... that was something I wasn't supposed to confess.

Oops.

I swear it was only for a second and then I quickly snatched them back from him, much to his eardrum splitting dismay.

And here are the photos!

As every military family member knows, every deployment is just a matter of counting down the days.  And we just passed the 250 day mark yesterday.  YAY!

That means 115 days down,

Anyone else think that 115 days has taken AN ETERNITY?!?!?!

OK, maybe not an eternity, but like a half of an eternity.

And this is where I try to convince myself that 115 days IS a long time and if I can make it through 115 days, then I can TOTALLY make it through another 250. 

To convince myself of how long 115 days are, here are photos of how much Caleb has grown since Daddy deployed.

And here are all of the things I've gotten done in the last 115 days.

See?  115 days IS an eternity.  Approximately 2 eternities left and I'll have my husband home AND possibly a fully renovated house :)

There I go searching for that silver lining.  Thanks for making me an optimist mom :)

So 2 weeks ago, I was at sales conference.

Last week I was travelling again for work.  We had sales kick offs for each area. 

Our Business Unit is broken down geographically into 6 areas.  Each area is broken down into 7-9 territories.  Sales Conference invites employees that are territory and higher.  The area kick offs are to tell our sales reps about all the stuff their managers learned at the sales conference, like marketing programs and long term goals of the company.

Don't worry if I lost you.  Short version is that I was travelling again.

Last Wednesday I was in Morton MN at the casino for one area.  Then I hopped in the car and drove for 6 hours to Wisconsin Dells with 2 of my coworkers for our next meeting.  Jared is one of those coworkers.

Jared is a 29 year old single guy that is a "guy's guy".  He loves to hunt and fish and drink beer.  He hasn't had a girlfriend in a few years because he just hates dating.  And because he can't seem to find a girl that wants to let him go hunting and fishing every weekend... go figure.

Well during our car ride, he came out with some really great quotes and I feel the need to share a few of these.  I'm going to give you the top 5, but there are many more that I wrote down.

#5:  I'm going to go de-beer. - So you drink a beer, and when you have to pee, you de-beer.  And then you go re-beer. 

#4:  She's crazy as a shit house rat.  - No comment.  I've never met a shit house rat, so I'm not sure how crazy one would be.

#3:  GET OUT OF MY WAY, PT LOSER!!  - I'm not big on the PT Cruiser.  I think they're ugly.  We got caught behind one for about 10 miles that was going a good 10 miles under the speed limit.  My immature mind found this hysterical.

#2:  I might have kids some day, I'm just not sure about a wife.  -  As he is 29 and single in the midwest (which is kind of the male version of the old spinster catlady), the pressure is on to get married and reproduce.  As I insinuated above, it's gonna take a special girl to catch Jared's eye, so this is one of the things Jared tells his mother to get her to quiet down for a minute.

#1  My wife hasn't been born yet.  - Remember how he's 29?  HA!  This is another quote he's told his mother.  "she didn't find it very funny."  I found it friggin hysterical in a he's-not-really-that-creepy kind of way.

Let's just say these quotes helped us get through the 6 hour drive a little faster.  Thank you Jared both for driving and for entertaining.  YOU ROCK!

It's been many moons since I've had a quote good enough to post on the website... but this one just had to be shared.

Cynthia:  "I think every child should be forced to eat a pet."

Do I hear cricket's chirping? 

Just so we're clear, I'm not saying to go eat Fido (or Bruiser for that matter).

Here is the context:  Cami is an avid TLC watcher and one of her favorite shows is "Kate plus 8".  On the episode we watched, they got chickens so that they could collect their eggs.  And one of the children commented that they wouldn't eat the chickens because they were pets.

And this is where I made that fantastic comment.

See?  It's not like I am supporting puppy stir-fry or kitty kabobs, just normal livestock.

Growing up on a farm, even a "hobby farm", we raised animals and later butchered and ate them.  On our farm, the livestock we had was cows, chickens, sheep and pigs.  And, yes, we named each and every one of them and cared for theim daily so in some sense they were our pets.

Well not so much the chickens because naming 20 white chickens that look identical is kind of like a 2 year old trying to say Cynthia... it's pretty much impossible and you just never get it right.

To be more specific, we ate the cows and chickens.  The sheep and pigs were 4H projects and were eaten by others that purchased them at the county fair. 

Two of my most vivid childhood memories involve the butchering the chickens (they do run around with their heads cut off) and eating Vicki-burgers.  One of our cows was named Vicki... after a babysitter that we didn't particularly care for :)

These aren't traumatic memories for me, in a way they define my childhood.  I actually smile every time I think of them.  It is something not many kids get to experience.  In fact, I REALLY trotting these gems out when I'm having a conversation with a vegetarian.  The look of I-think-I'm-gonna-puke/horror on their face is just priceless. 

Then I tell them that my Dad and brother skinned a deer in the barn... and then I have to throw a glass of water on said vegetarian because they've fainted :)

Do I sound like a redneck yet?  Oh wait, I think the original quote put me squarely in that category. 

So why would I want everyone to have to experience "eating a pet"?  For 2 reasons.

1. Because I think so few people really understand how food is produced and how it ends up in our grocery stores.  I'm not saying that how we raised our livestock is the "norm" for commercial livestock, because it wasn't.  We were semi-organic farmers before anyone knew what that meant :)  But I "get" the time and energy it takes to raise an animal and how much food it produces.  Same with a garden and the produce that comes from it.

2. I think our society overvalues animal life.  On a farm, you are directly confronted with the fact that, generally speaking, things die in order for others to live.  We kill weeds to grow vegetables, we pick vegetables and kill livestock to fill our plate.  Vermin (bunnies, squirrels, etc) are killed because they threaten gardens and generally are overpopulated. 

What bothers me the most are those people that cry over someone shooting a bunny next door, but only shake their head and say "what a shame" when they hear about one person killing another.  Why does the bunny deserve more emotion?  Why is it that the life of an animal seems to have more value than that of a fellow human being for some people in our society?

I just think that raising your own food, both animal and vegetable gives you a solid basis for the value of all life (human and animal) and an appreciation for the true cost of producing the food we are lucky enough to have .

Hence the reason I think everyone should have to "eat a pet" :)

OK, so lately I've been crazy busy with work and travelling and all that good stuff. 

And by the time I get around to write about it, I've forgotten portions of the story, or all those little nuggets of funny stuff that happened that I wanted to share. 

So I've decided that I need to have some entertaining, recurring things I can blog about that will hopefully keep me motivated to continue updating the mommy section of this blog... and that aren't all about Caleb because writing 2 blogs about Caleb seems a little redundant.

So if you know me, you know I'm generally entertained by the stupidity of others.

Specifically, those people that make the news or that you hear about that you secretly hope never reproduce because they kind of muddy the water in the gene pool.

Is that mean of me to say?

Maybe.

But you KNOW you all think it... so I'm just gonna be brave enough to say it. 

Because I'm so entertained by reading about other's idiocy, one of my favorite parts of the newspaper is "Weird News of the Day".  But oftentimes, the stories I find most entertaining aren't even in that section. 

I'm thinking my commentary on some of these might entertain some of you.

In hopes of making you laugh, I've decided to start a Newsworthy Wednesday section to my blog, where I will hunt down a crazy story that is just too stupid to be true... but it actually happened. 

And maybe we'll all feel just a little smarter afterwards :)

Today's story of stupidity is just... well... it kinda sounds like a Bart Simpson prank call.

For those in my family whose minds don't go straight to the gutter, the name Heywood Jablowme could also be read as "Hey, would ya blow me?"

And for those who still might not understand "blow me" is a euphamism for oral sex.

You're probably wondering who I'm clarifying this for, but I had more than one friend/family member ask me what "chick magnet" meant when I posted pictures of Caleb in the shirt his Grandma Wilks made him.... so I thought I'd better be explicit.

You know who you are ;)


So what do I think about this little snippet?

Well... how do you follow something like that up?  I mean unless you're a porn star... could you ever get a job?  Or even more simply, a date?

Picture this: 

You're out with some friends for a girls night and a man approaches you. 

He chats you up for a minute and asks what your name is, you respond with something fake like "Shaneequa" (even though you're blond with blue eyes and about as far from a Shaneequa has you can imagine) because he just seems a little odd.  Maybe it's because he spits while he talks... or has awful bad breath and greasy hair... or just stands too close

He shakes your hand and says "Heywood Jablowme, nice to meet you."

Huh?  Wha?!? 

You (hoping you misheard him): Did you just ask if I'd blow you?

Heywood: No that's my name, Heywood Jablowme.

You: Seriously?  Did your parents hate you?  They must've hated you if they named you THAT.

Heywood:  No, I legally changed it to that.

For a brief moment, you sit there dumbfounded with your mouth hanging open.  But then you stand up, give your friends the "we're leaving RIGHT now" code signal (all women have one of these) and head out the door because really... REALLY?  I mean if you're Heywood Jablowme, what do you follow that with?  What's the next part of your pickup line? 

This man has basically guaranteed he will never get married, never have a serious girlfriend, and never reproduce... ever.

Because who wants their vows to read "Do you, Heywood Jablowme, take this woman..."? 

Thank goodness he basically removed HIMSELF from the genepool with this genius move.

That is what this blog is about.

Specifically, this is about mysteriously vanishing poop.

Vanishing poop?  Yes... vanishing poop. 

That might sound like a good thing when you have a child in diapers, but trust me when I say it is NOT a good thing.

OK, so where do I start?

To give you a little background, Caleb has been tired alot lately.  Cami and I suspect a growth spurt as the culprit, but whatever the cause, he's been very, very tired.  So Sunday morning, he wakes me up at 5:45ish by crying.  I go in to see what the problem is and I realize he is wet (darn cloth diapers not lasting through the night...).  I attempt to change him and put him back to bed... but his tears were too much to bear so we went into my room to lay down and watch some Blues Clues.

Yep, I'm a sucker like that.

So we go through our usual morning routine, he has some oatmeal, we play for a little while and I notice he is still pretty crabby (i.e. hitting things for no reason and screaming because I picked up a toy he didn't even notice was there but HEY, I should've left it there just in case he eventually decided to play with it!).  I decide a good diversion would be to go get him dressed for the day.

When I put him on the changing table and remove his PJs, he is rubbing his eyes and snuggling with his blankie.  So I decide he's tired enough already to go down for his first nap... at 7:45.  We read a book, I lay him down in just his diaper because I assumed he'd go right to sleep (HUGE mistake).  I go back to bed too as my dear friend Beth kept me up late the night before with a wild night out in New Ulm, MN.  I listen to Caleb quietly chatter to himself for about a half hour and then go quiet.  I fall asleep. 

Life is good.

Then at about 9:15ish, Caleb wakes up screaming.  Oh joy!  That is always a good sign.  I peel myself out of bed and go in to see if I can't put his paci back in and have him go back to sleep.

But when I walk in and look down, my child is naked.

NAKED!

All I see is a tiny naked butt.... and a HUGE dark wet spot on his sheet.

Well, that solves the mystery of why he woke up screaming.

So I put his paci in, pick him and the diaper up and take him over to the changing table. 

I see no poop or poopstains in the diaper so I think to myself "at least it wasn't a poopy diaper."

Do you see where this is going????

Well I go to wipe his bum and I see a little poop residue.  Hmmmm.  I think about the empty diaper and then I think about the blankets in his crib and begin to dread picking them up to see what is hidden under them.  I notice a little smear of poop on his foot and on his hand too (nothing mushy or too gross)... so I clean him up, put on a diaper and set him in the rocking chair with a book (so he can "read") and turn to start cleaning up his crib. 

I gently and hesitantly pick up the blanket while peeking at the mattress with just one eye.

To my disbelief, nothing is there.

I turn around and give Caleb a suspicious look... he giggles.

Hmmmmmm, the mystery of the vanishing poop!

I lay the blanket back down and slowly spread it out... thinking how gross it is going to be if he's somehow ground the poop into the blanket and, well, how exactly do you get poop out of a blanket?

But once again, nothing.  The blanket is just a little damp from the giant wet spot on the sheet.

I again look back at Caleb, who is completely ignoring his book and is just watching me with this look of evil glee on his face.

So I ask him "Caleb, where did your poop go?"

He responds with a cackle and a knee slap (he seriously slaps his knee when he thinks things are really funny).

Now, let me say here, that there is no poop smeared on the wall or anything... so I assumed (and hoped) it had stayed in the crib.

Well... there is only one more place to look.

So close my eyes and pull the crib back from the wall

And discover what looks to be an abandoned bunny farm that has existed for longer than we've owned the house.  Meaning there were many, many dry brown pellets all over the carpet. 

I hear Caleb cackling and slapping his knee behind me.

I look back at him and he is literally almost rolling with laughter.

Even though I'm not happy about all the poop on the floor, I can't keep myself from smiling at his obvious enjoyment of the situation, so I just call him a "mean, little prankster" and begin the clean up. 

I know all of you are groaning at the thought of picking up poop, but as it was pretty dry, it was also pretty easy.  I grabbed 2 wipes began picking up the pieces (one wipe to deposit the poop into and the other wipe to "shield" my hand while I picked it up).  It only took me about 45 seconds to get it all. 

Caleb was still chuckling.

Then I go flush the waste and throw away the wipes.

When I come back into the room, Caleb is still sitting on the chair and smiling, seeming to gloat that HE had outsmarted both me and the diaper. 

I suspect that he's been planning this prank for AGES and just had to wait until his mother make the rookie mistake of putting him down for a nap in nothing but his velcro cloth diaper.

I picked him up, told him that he better enjoy his little joke while he could because I wasn't going to make THAT mistake again.

He smiled and gave me a hug and a kiss.

And then we took a shower... because somehow the only thing that really grossed me out about the entire thing was the thought of some small amount of poop remaining anywhere on his body (or on mine).

And thus goes my first run in with a little boy and his obsession with poop.

I'm sure you're dying to read this... because who doesn't like reading about my child's potty habits?

Random sidenote:  I never thought I'd give much thought to anyone else's daily toilet schedule, but as a parent, from the second your kid comes out, doctors are asking you how often they "eliminate".  Suddenly you're obsessed with how often your kid pees and poops.  For all you non-parents out there, THAT'S something to look forward to, isn't it?

OK, so we've been doing cloth diapering for a week now.  I thought I'd give you an update, let you know if we're sticking with it and what the favorite brand/products are.

First of all, if you are curious about cloth diapering at all, you can "rent" an entire set of cloth diapering products for 21 days at Jillian's Drawers for just $10.  They charge you for the whole set for $150, but when you return them all clean and ready to go, they refund $140.  I kind of wish I had seen this before I started purchasing.  It would've been great to try all the different types without much upfront cost.

So here is what I purchased (I figured pictures would help):

Here is what I think so far:

Bummis:
 
How it works: Take a shell, place prefold or insert in the bottom (it fills most of the area from front to back) and velcro on your child.  With a prefold, I usually fold it into thirds, place in the bottom and then spread out the back to get more coverage (against smooshier poos) and to decrease the bulk.    With the insert, you just lay the insert in and put it on your kid.  If the shell gets wet, you can wipe out with a cloth and reuse as the inside of the shell is waterproof.  Generally use 1-2 shells per day.

StayBrite Shell - Not terribly impressed.  The fabric feels very plasticky.  The shell doesn't fit him terribly well and isn't as adjustable as the others.  I won't be buying these again mostly because I don't like the fabric or the fit.

Prefolds - These are very absorbant, but not very soft.  I don't know if it's because they're organic cotton or if they just need to be washed alot more.  They are very bulky as well, but I think this would be the case for most cotton prefolds.  These will probably be my "if we're out of everything else" option.  I don't really dislike them, I just like some of the other options better.

Thirsties:

How it works:  Same as the Bummis shell.

Duo Wrap Shells - These feel much softer than the Bummi shell.  I like the fabric and they have an adjustable rise (which is what the snaps on the front are for, to change the length of the diaper) which is really nice.  I have had a few leaks with these, but only overnight and I think that is mostly "user error".  I'm still trying to figure out the best overnight solution.

Insert - I love that this has 2 layers and the top layer is a nice soft material that wicks away the moisture.  Not to be gross, but when I check to see if he's wet (using the finger test), I have a difficult time knowing if he is when I touch the top layer.  I usually have to put my finger under the bottom of the cotton insert to tell if it's wet or not.  I did have 1 leak with these, but again not sure if it was the insert or the wrap or just a really wet nap for Caleb.

Hemp prefolds - Hemp is another material used for making diaper inserts/prefolds.  It is known for being super absorbant and soft.  These prefolds are soft, thinner than their cotton counterparts and very absorbant.  All in all, I like these better than the organic cotton ones I have due to less bulk and better texture (softer).

Gro Via:

How it works:  This is the true "all in two" diaper system.  You take the shell and snap in one of the inserts.  Then you put it on your kid.  If the shell gets wet, you just let it airdry for a short while and can use it again.  Generally you use 1-2 shells a day.

The shells - The fabric on these is really soft.  They also have mesh lining the inside so there is no plasticky feel to them and nothing that's not breathable up against your child's skin.  The velcro/hook and loop closures are very soft and very sticky.  I don't know how well these will wear, but GroVia also converts shells that are velcro into snap for a whopping $3.50 so if it does get to the point where it doens't stick anymore or looks awful, for a small fee you can change it to snaps.  We got one shell with snaps and one with velcro and so far I like them both.  Both are incredibly adjustable and fit him well. 

These shells also have the best fit of all the diapers.  It's a great trim fitting diaper and it doesn't look as bulky as the other shells/insert combinations.  When Caleb is fully dressed, you would never be able to tell he's wearing a cloth diaper.  But they do have cute prints, so you can let him run in his diaper and it's pretty darn adorable :) 

Cloth Inserts - These are different from your average insert.  The insert has an actual gusset (gathered elastic edge) and the back is waterproof so it adds a double layer of protection with the waterproof shell.  There are 2 layers in each insert to make it ultra-absorbant.  They also dry much faster than the prefolds and the other inserts, which I like because it means less work for me. 

Disposable inserts - these inserts are meant for when you might not have access to a washer and dryer.  Environmentally, they are very friendly.  They are compostable and completely biodegradable.  You just put any solid waste in the toilet (like you would with a cloth) and you put the rest in your compost.  From what I've read, it breaks down very quickly unlike a normal disposable diaper.  I think these are Cami's favorites.  She likes that it is similar to a disposable so little to no mess and I like the fact that they're a good environmental choice. 

The Verdict

I like the Gro Via best for the following reasons:

Fit - has the best fit out of all the diapers for Caleb.  There is little to no bulk and they just look more comfortable.

Fabric - I just love the feel of the shells and that its not as stiff.  The velcro is softer yet super sticky. 

Inserts - Really absorbant, gussets keep it all in and I like the waterproof backing because it doesn't feel as gross when changing the diaper. 

Ease of use - My method is to use at minimum 2 shells per day (only more if one gets messy).  I take my spare shell and snap in the insert before laying Caleb down.  It makes it pretty much like any other diaper change, take the dirty one off, lay to the side, wipe down his bottom, put the new one on.  Then after he's done and back to exploring his room, I pull the dirty insert out of the one I had him in and throw into the laundry bag and lay the shell to the side for use on the next diaper change.

I just ordered a bunch more of the Gro Via diapers, 6 more shells and 18 more inserts.  We use about 6 - 8 inserts a day, so if we miss laundry one night, we should still have enough to get us through another day or two. 

So now that I've bored you all to death... I promise to share an icky cloth diapering story with you soon so you can laugh at me :)